the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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