I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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