I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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