dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
