I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
