everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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