Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
