I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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