i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize