the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
