Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
