who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize