I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
