Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I enjoy the company of your penis
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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