I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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