Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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