pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
