Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Alive.
So much puke
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
