last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
