I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
