i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
