Im at strip club and am horny
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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