If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
