she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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