I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
