In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
