based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
