remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I am one with the molecules
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
