I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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