I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
