I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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