I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
