I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
