A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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