Soap is not a condiment
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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