Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize