You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
