There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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