How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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