I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
