She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
