i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
