Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
