Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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