i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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