you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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