I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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