tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
