Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
