I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
