super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
