I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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