Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
