We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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