I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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