Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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