forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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