There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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