This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
