Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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