My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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