How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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