Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She's the barista slut.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
