The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
