she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize