All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
