I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
