Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
