OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
