Dude my mom stole all your condoms
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
