If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
