She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
