My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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