The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
